crookedthief

yesterday i went out to dinner with friends for a birthday.
the best part was going to the sea at night. we ducked down through this small kind of hallway of trees and it was dark and i still get a bit frightened in the dark but you could see the waves in the distance. it was beautiful so i kept going.

you're standing at the end of the country like it's the edge of the world and
standing at the shore of the sea was looking into something that could swallow me whole.
we're so tiny and nothing.

we ran around and laughed and i felt self-conscious the whole time because i wanted it so badly to be how it was in my head. how dumb, huh.
but it was fun. if i hadn't been wearing stockings i would have swam. i hugged my bag to my chest and i spun in the shallow water.
i've never liked the beach very much before and i'd never liked it so much in my life.

(australia, you're so beautiful at night.)

and then we took the bus around and eventually ended up home.

everything seems to come alive in the bruised shadow of day
and i relish in my anger.

come morning,
the whole world will be asleep.







and westley-
don't forget about the tirimasu.
it's there for when you ever need it.

everything is grey again, and i'm searching for those impulsive incandescent fleeting moments of feeling.

things i have decided to do this year:

fly to melbourne alone
and walk around the streets at night
and lie outside when it's raining
and hook up my arm and give blood when i turn sixteen
and swear a lot less
and take pictures, pictures, pictures, my love
and leave myself alone

writing these out feels like being a kid again
like planning adventures that you never end up going on
except i will, i will

my computer crashed a few weeks ago. and it got a new harddrive and it's all fine and dandy, i did a system restore and had to reinstall codecs and oh god. it's probably very simple to some people ha
but i learnt the hard way that you have to save your actions, i thought it was automatic. it isn't. and now i've lost them.

maybe i haven't, there's still some kind of hope inside me. but for now i'll stop looking. i'm going crazy thinking about it, but at the same time i'm wondering if maybe i can make better ones.

everything is gaining motion and i'm still barely scratching the surface, i'll tell you more some day. i just have some work to finish right now.
from four ante meridiem on the coast of gold, good morning. it would be nice if the sun was here.

also, i bought a new camera. just a side note.

it's all been a bit haywire and a lot of things are happening, most inside my head . i came back from japan (deeeer!) and everything has settled into its routine again. there was a stranger boy i saw in a museum in japan, again at the airport we departed from, and from baggage claim to customs to australia outside, and i have not seen them since. maybe i never will.

yesterday was in small parts, but i'll talk about the boring (time to click away) because my head is dizzy from everything else. my computer is breaking (broken?) and a lot of my pictures from japan have been corrupted. and no longer on the memory card. i'm sad and dumb

so i guess it's gonna get fixed and maybe it will all be alright. i just hadn't written a journal in a while and, hooray, this one's not very interesting either, haha

mostly for the sake of getting used to writing them.

and school starts tomorrow. i have not touched homework since last term. oh i'm really behind. help meeee

i hope everything is fine.